by Ron & Kathy Feher
Summer love stories aren’t just for movies, songs and teenagers! Being in love is not a phase we are meant to grow out of, but to grow ever more into. In this second part, we talk about 5 MORE ways to fall in love all over again with your spouse… in a way that will last all year!
6. Nurture the atmosphere of being “in love.”
We love a lot of people, but we are “in love” with only one. Being “in love” is what makes marriage unique and exclusive. When we prioritize nurturing the atmosphere of being in love, we are fueled for all our other responsibilities. Otherwise, marriage is too much “work.” We can “flirt” before we speak, remind ourselves of what is most attractive about the other, and reconnect with all our memories of being in love. It is more effective to pray for passion than patience.
7. Relate, don’t debate.
The issue is not the issue. “We” are the issue. When we focus on each other, we can feel emotionally connected, even in areas where we are conflicted, if we suspend judgments and opinions and simply describe the emotions we are feeling. We can encourage the other to relate to a time when they may have felt the same way. Describing our feelings in writing can help us to get in touch with more than we would share just by speaking.
8. Never go to be angry.
Anger can replay in our minds and cause more distance and hurt than the original offense. Learning to reconcile hurts promptly and well can actually bring a couple closer than before the incident. The experience can teach us how to love the other better and help us grow in humility and sensitivity. Love means saying more than just, “I’m sorry.” It requires trust and vulnerability to say, “Will you please forgive me?” Reconciling well is a fundamental act of recommitment that strengthens the bonds of love.
9. Be a couple first.
Consider what is in the best interest of the marriage – before you parent, work, play, or relate to friends. In making decisions, consider what will absolutely advance our coupleness. That is always God’s plan for us. The truth is that nothing is more important than our marriage. Our own happiness and our children’s happiness absolutely depend on it. If we are not growing closer, we are growing apart.
10. Be a “living sign.”
Couples set the level of love in their homes and in their community. They also reveal and make manifest the passionate, intimate, permanent, and life-giving love that Christ has for the church. When a husband and wife are in love and allow that love to be visible, everyone around them and especially their children will experience God in a real and tangible way. The realization that others are depending on us motivates us not to take our love for granted or settle for just getting along. Jesus does not just “get along” with us.
If you want to learn more about any of these, join us for one of our skills courses, or one of our Weekend Immersions!
Ron and Kathy Feher, together with Fr. Chuck Gallagher, S.J, are founders of the PMRC (now EverMore in Love) and have authored all our programs. Parents of 10 children, they have been married over 50 years and have been joyfully living the insights and skills they share.
