by Libby DuPont
“Spouses are the permanent reminder to the Church of what happened on the Cross.” ~Pope St. John Paul II
Some things were just meant to go together. Peanut butter and jelly. Macaroni and cheese. Marriage and the cross. The cross is right there at the beginning. We vow to be true in good times and bad, sickness and health, richer and poorer. This makes sense, as we are signing up to love one another as Christ loves the Church, and in a fallen world, there is always sacrifice involved in true love.
But marriage itself is not meant to be the cross.
There is a narrative out there that suggests that falling in love is almost like a trap to get us to commit to one another. Then real-life sets in, and marriage becomes a cross that we drag behind us until we die. Any wonder many people are choosing not to marry?
It’s true that in some marriages, there are heavy crosses of addiction, abuse or infidelity. These are serious illnesses within a marriage that require serious treatment. But there are also less serious, “common cold” type sicknesses we endure within marriage we all encounter as well: misunderstandings, disagreements, taking one another for granted. These things don’t need to linger and make us miserable. Small, everyday frustrations do not need to equate to our marriage itself being a cross to endure!
When Brad and I attended our first retreat and the skills that followed, we had a good marriage. We loved one another dearly, and we were very well versed in our faith. But after 8 years, there were certain crosses we were beginning to accept as a permanent part of our marriage. Our first Weekend Immersion experience was so transformative because it spoke a liberating truth to us: it doesn’t have to be that way.
Over the last 9 years, we have been privileged to attend so many more retreats, and to teach the skills we learned to hundreds of couples. Each time we hear the truths, every time we practice the skills in our own marriage, we become more convinced that our marriage truly is meant to be our refuge from the inevitable crosses of life. When a loved one dies. When the kids go through something difficult. When the world shuts down for a deadly virus… our sacrament becomes the well from which we draw the strength to meet life’s challenges.
Wherever you are in your marriage, we invite you to come on back and review some of the skills and insights we offer in our skills course!
Libby and Brad DuPont have been married since 2003, and live in Overland Park, KS with their two kids. They enjoy a strong cup of coffee, a decent glass of wine and the fact that they laugh at each other’s jokes when no one else does. They have been part of the national leadership team for EverMore in Love since 2017. Libby currently serves as Director.
