by Kathy and Ron Feher
We know firsthand that you can live in love every day. Being in love is not a stage we grow out of. It is not about hormones or libidos. We can choose to be in love. There is a difference between loving and being in love. We love a lot of people we are only in love with one.
Top 5 Reasons to prioritize being in love in marriage:
- It is just smarter!
When we are “in love” the work of marriage is fun! Nothing is difficult when we are in love, talking, spending time, making love. So it is smart loving and an economy of effort to focus first on nurturing that atmosphere of being in love so that it greases the skids for everything else. Too often we have it backwards; we focus on tasks and activities and problems that drains us. It is not rocket science to figure out what makes your wife or husband feel in love. Once you do then you just do it unilaterally and proactively and you both feel in love!
- For our kid’s sake!
When we are in love our kids feel most secure, and we are most generous and patient with them. Also, if we want our children to wait for marriage we have to show them marriages that are worth waiting for!
- It invites more joy into our lives and evangelizes those around us.
A couple in love is the quintessential evangelizing event. Everyone is drawn to a couple in love that is why we all love weddings. The world needs to believe that love is possible and love is real. St. Augustine tells us that “Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God “!
- It is our primary way to holiness in our vocation of marriage.
Falling in love is a conversion experience that it gets us out of our selfish self to care more about the other. Being in love makes us other centered which is profoundly holy. Pope Benedict teaches us that “authentic sexual ecstasy is an exodus from self”
- When a couple is in love in the Sacrament of Matrimony they reveal and manifest Christ’s love for the Church.
We are called to love each other as Christ loves the church, not just for our own sake but for the sake of those around us so they can understand and experience how Jesus loves them. Jesus does not just get along with us. He is passionately and intimately head over heels in love with us!
Ron and Kathy Feher, together with Fr. Chuck Gallagher, S.J, are founders of the PMRC (now EverMore in Love) and have authored all our programs. Parents of 10 children, they have been married over 50 years and have been joyfully living the insights and skills they share.
