by Fr. Chuck Gallagher, S.J.
The average person couldn’t conceive of life without sex and would not want to do so. The fullness of their sexuality, though, is another story. We can easily take that for granted.
It is a given that we are a woman or man. We don’t deny our sexuality, but don’t think deeply about it, much less exercise it, unless we are in what we deem a “sexual situation.” Since the functions of an average day: working, getting kids out to school, fed and homeworked, shopping housework, etc, are not what we would normally look upon as sexual, we put that aspect of ourselves mostly into hibernation. We only become sexual when sex is on the horizon. It becomes the part of us we refer to after hours, when business and duties are done. It is not too strong to say that we become sexual zombies in our work-a-day worlds—that is, lifeless and asexual.
This is so diminishing for all, but most especially so, for the Matrimonied. Their vocation is sexual. That vocation should pervade their day, not something restricted to the time they are together, after all the chores. The Matrimonied are called to be the most sexual people in our society, obviously fully conscious of their femininity/masculinity because of whom they are to one another. For a husband or wife to be asexual, even in the most mundane activities, is a contradiction in terms. We don’t marry to be persons with one another. We marry to be sexual persons with each other. Our sexuality should be enhanced by our state of life and become ever more real and dominant in our thinking about ourselves.
It can, and too often does happen, that once a couple marries, they become less obviously sexual to themselves and others. This should be the reverse. Being called to a fully sexual way of life, which is the Sacrament of Matrimony, should call forth the fullness of the person’s sexuality, in all dimensions of their life. Their masculinity and femininity should be the most obvious thing about them, to all they meet and the most evident aspect of themselves to themselves.
Sexuality is powerful and our Father uses that power to draw out the godliness within us. We are at our best. We are most pleased with ourselves, not only because we have someone who thinks we are the moon and stars, who puts their whole concentration into pleasing us but because we are able to please them. The world, which was so small when I was the main inhabitant, now has become a galaxy. I have a magnificent purpose in life, which no one else can accomplish: to make this beloved person the happiest person on the face of the earth. My total awareness of self and others has been completely converted. It is truly a taste of paradise.
Fr. Chuck Gallagher, S.J., was the founding director of the PMRC (now EverMore in Love). He was a compelling and prophetic voice in the Catholic Church for the Sacrament of Matrimony and the joy of the incarnation for over five decades, also founding Worldwide Marriage Encounter. This post is an excerpt of Fr. Chuck’s book, The Passionate Couple.
